


Siren

by desole (tearyxz)



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, siren!youngjae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearyxz/pseuds/desole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was remarkable how perceptions can altered so drastically by a singular event.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding sirens, I know there are many who visualize them as either looking completely human, looking similar to a mermaid/merman, or as spirits with no definite form. However, in Greek mythology, sirens are actually part bird, usually with wings and even bird legs and talons. I decided to take the liberty of making the sirens in my story have wings but not the lower bird body, so besides wings their anatomy is human.

~~  
  
It was remarkable how perceptions can altered so drastically by a singular event.

The sea breeze was no longer comforting; it stung, literally salt on an open wound. Jaebum shivered, trying to find comfort from the mild weather and warm sun but all he could focus on was not giving in to the fear, the cold dread that would slowly creep up on him as soon as he started to forget, his unconscious unwilling to let him move on and as soon as he remembered the terror would hit him like a typhoon.

And then the guilt always followed. Honestly, it was even worse than the fear. The fear, at least, would ease as soon as he returned to solid land. The guilt, however, was unrelenting, constantly gnawing at him from the inside out. His heart would twist, stomach heave, breathing become difficult.

Even now his breath was quickening, jaw tight as he squeezed his eyes shut, one scene replaying in his mind repeatedly. It wasn’t a scene he was there to see personally, but that only meant Jaebum spent his days recreating every single scenario that could have played out. Every way it _could_ have happened. _May_ have happened.

He knew it was useless. He knew he was torturing himself. He knew, rationally, that what he had was survivor’s guilt, and that it wasn’t his fault he got lucky. He knew his family wouldn’t want him to be like this, and that he should move on. And maybe he could have, if he went far away from the ocean, to a place where he could start all over and where memories couldn’t haunt him.

But here he was, on a boat, again, floating aimlessly on what now he could only see as a mass grave. Because that’s all he’s ever known.

He owed it to his family, at least, to try to move on. Which was why he was here, on this one week long “self-healing” boating trip. A euphemism, really, that he’d used to convince his concerned friends. Jinyoung had been especially against it, but Jaebum was stubborn and had insisted. What it really was, though, was a trip in which he would see if he could stop feeling so damn depressed all the time and if not, might was well throw himself overboard too because let’s face it, what use was he to the world anyways? Might as well feed the fishes.

And now it was decision day, day seven of his trip. Would he return to an empty home where he had nothing left, or would he be a coward, take the easy way out? It would be so easy to tie something heavy to his foot and plunge in…

The flowing, blue water underneath him seemed to be mocking him and Jaebum stared at it soullessly, mind in turmoil.

Jaebum didn’t notice when it began – he didn’t really notice much nowadays – but suddenly, he could hear a faint melody being carried by the breeze. As tuned his ear to it, it grew stronger, louder, clearer. It was something unlike anything he’d ever heard before, exotic and alluring.

Before long it was clear it was only one voice, yet somehow there seemed to be harmonies, chords and arpeggios that enriched the melody. There were no words to the song, or perhaps Jaebum just didn’t understand the language, but it stirred something deep inside him. The melody was eerie and haunting, almost dangerous with its sorrow and yet it also pulled at him, beckoning him closer. An ache anchored in his heart, an ache that could only be soothed by hearing more.

The melody grew stronger, guided by a voice crystal clear yet swelling with depth. It was ethereal and Jaebum was fixated on it, caught in a trance as his body moved without instruction. His mind was detached entirely from his body, immersed in the lapping waves of the song.

While Jaebum wasn’t aware, his boat was no longer floating, but gently landed on the beach of a small island. He was stepping out of his boat, steps slow as the song engulfed him, carrying him along in its currents. The full force of the longing finally hit Jaebum, the beautifully tragic melody both the cause and the solution.

And then it stopped.

The feeling was akin to being ripped from a vivid dream, initial disorientation and confusion followed by an immediate influx of sensations. Jaebum stumbled, and almost fell again when he looked up.

He was in heaven and that was an angel.

That was the first thing that crossed Jaebum’s mind as he took in the man standing him front of him, only managing to process the ethereal glow that emanated from his figure and the giant, fluttering wings sprouting from his back. But even as Jaebum was coming to his senses, the glow was dimming and his eyes took in the splotches of red on one wing.

His mind finally caught up with his body and his last memories hit him full force.

Siren.

Jaebum screamed, clapping his hands over his ears as he ran away, stumbling back the way he came. He continued to scream even while running, fear pumping in his veins and his heart pounding in order to try to keep up. He didn’t dare look back, sure the beautiful monster would be right on his tail.

It wasn’t until Jaebum was far, far away from the island that he finally allowed himself to breathe.

Far, far away, with the remnants of the haunting song still ringing in his ears.

~~                     

Jaebum couldn’t forget the siren.

It was a week later, and Jaebum found himself constantly zoning out, mind wandering to what had happened.

Why had he let him go? Jaebum knew that the siren had had him. But why had he stopped singing? And why was he on that island to begin with? The moment he had returned home he’d searched a map, locating the tiny island he’d stumbled upon. It was far from the sirens’ cliffs sailors knew to avoid. Were they perhaps migrating?

But that was ridiculous. Despite how lenient the rules were, the Treaty was still in place. It was a fragile treaty that greatly favored the magical, yes; even with benefits the magical beings were often the ones pushing the boundaries. However, such an outright violation was rare. The world had just recently settled into a more peaceful time between human and supernatural, and it seemed ludicrous that one single siren would try to upset the balance.

And what was ironic was the fact that the siren had probably saved his life, which Jaebum found incredibly disturbing as well. He’d been nearly ready to give up his life, so why had he clung so desperately to it when faced with the opportunity to be granted death? Did he, in fact, want to live?

It didn’t help that he couldn’t get the siren’s song out of his head, the beautiful voice coupled with the haunting tune nearly driving him out of his mind.

And so Jaebum decided he was either one: certifiably insane or two: really had a death wish when he found himself on his boat again, headed to the same tiny island.

He didn’t even know why he was going. Curiosity, maybe. Or a sick desire to risk his life and actually end his existence. Jaebum didn’t know. He did bring earplugs this time, however, though he knew their protection would be minimal if he was to approach the siren directly. Even if the Treaty forbade murder especially between species, who would ever know?

Almost too quickly, Jaebum found himself on that same island, cautiously walking up the sandy banks. His heart began to thump, adrenaline boosting his jumpiness as he left the water behind and approached the wooded part of the island.

_I can still make you hear me if you plug your ears, you know._

Jaebum whirled around and immediately found himself face to face with the same siren from before. He was perched on a rock, wearing an amused expression and almost giggling. Jaebum, on the other hand, froze, and it took all of his willpower to not run in the opposite direction. He had heard the siren’s voice _in his head_!

The siren looked fascinated as his eyes swept Jaebum from head to toe, head cocked in curiosity.

_Why did you come back?_

“Why did you not kill me when I was here the first time?” Jaebum shot back, gritting his teeth as he put on a brave face.

The siren suddenly looked embarrassed, looking away.

_I…I was surprised._

“What?” Jaebum asked bluntly.

_I…Usually when we sing the ships crash against the cliffs and then we fly down to retrieve the souls. I forgot there were no cliffs._

The siren began staring at Jaebum curiously again, while rage bubbled up inside Jaebum.

_You’re the first human I’ve seen alive._

“You’re a murderer!” Jaebum yelled angrily. “How can you even say that so calmly? You lure people in with your filthy magic and then suck out their souls?! You’re a monster!”

Now the siren looked confused.

_What are you talking about? We’re helping you! You poor humans, living such a difficult life. We don’t eat your souls, we free the poor things._

“You kill people! How is that saving them?!”

The siren furrowed his brow, looking slightly taken aback. However, it didn’t take long for the dazzling smile to return.

_Well, yes I suppose we do kill. But isn’t it a good thing, to be freed from the burdens of this world? Our songs are beautiful, yes, but they aren’t happy, are they? We take the emotions, the essence from the souls and they are the magic that flow through our songs. The souls are then free, released to the air and wind and sky._

Jaebum looked appalled.

“And who are you to make that decision for us? To say our lives aren’t worth living, that we need to be ‘freed’ against our will?” Jaebum’s fear had all but disappeared at this point, fury being the only emotion he could feel.

The siren had the nerve to giggle.

_That last time, you were considering jumping overboard, weren’t you? Isn’t that proof enough?_

“I…” Jaebum tried to rebut, but struggled to come up with a response.

 _See?_ The siren grinned, eyes crinkling in such an angelic way Jaebum wanted to puke.

“It’s about choice!” Jaebum finally exclaimed. “If I choose to jump, it’s _my_ choice! You guys aren’t gods, or angels, who gave you the right to decide?!”

The siren looked surprised.                                                                                                            

 _Why are you so bent on living, or having the choice to? You are miserable, aren’t you? What’s worth living for anyways?_  
Jaebum opened his mouth to answer, but then realized he had no response. He spluttered for a moment. The siren pursed his lips.

_And don’t say love. It’s like our songs; beautiful but ultimately haunting. You humans are so pitiable in that way. You’ve heard the longing in our song? That emotion is the strongest; for whatever reason, you humans are born with an instinctive need to search for it, to be accepted, cared for. The longing drives you mad but loss is a part of life, whether in death or in another form. It’s useless to fight or fear what is natural, but your species is constantly attempting to defy death. Only acceptance can ease pain._

A gentle, persuasive smile now formed on the siren’s lips.

_Just take out those earplugs. Come to me. I can ease your pain and give you release._

Even hearing the words in his head was compelling to Jaebum, but it was nothing compared to the sheer mind control of the siren’s vocalized song.

“No.” Jaebum gritted out.

The siren tilted his head, looking genuinely curious.

 _Why? What makes living worth it? Weren’t you so keen to move on before?_  
Jaebum stared at the siren silently as he questioned himself. The siren waited patiently, unflinching from Jaebum’s eyes boring into his own.

“I think it’s you that should be pitiable.” Jaebum began slowly. The siren raised an eyebrow, eyes wide with intrigue.

“Yes. There is a longing. I long for my parents and baby sister to come back to me. I long for time to turn back, so I could convince my parents not to take the ship out that day because we knew the weather would be bad, so I could tell them I love them because I could never say it before. Yes, it hurts. But it is better to have loved and felt and end up hurt than never feeling anything at all. Your existence is a meaningless one, an empty one. Even now, as I’m staring at your face, you can look amused, but your eyes are empty. You should be pitied, not me.”

The siren’s brow furrowed as he contemplated what Jaebum said.

_……so you’re saying my emotions aren’t real?_

Jaebum gaped, speechless for a good few seconds.

“Is that all you got out of everything I said?!”

The siren giggled and Jaebum felt the urge to punch something.

_I just don’t get it. Why would you want to feel hurt?_

Jaebum’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly a couple of times before he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“What am I even doing. I’m arguing about love with a siren who wants to kill me and eat my soul. I’m a moron.” He looked back at the siren, defeated. “I’m not gonna let you suck out my soul or whatever, so can you just leave and go back to the cliffs where you belong? You can sing to your heart’s content there, whoever wanders close enough probably deserves to die from their sheer stupidity anyways.”

The siren looked sheepish.

_I…can’t. I got caught up in storm a couple weeks ago and it blew me here, and my wing is messed up…_

Jaebum swallowed uncomfortably at the mention of the storm; most likely it was the same one his family got swept up in. However, he was quickly drawn out of his thoughts when the siren extended his wings for emphasis. Jaebum immediately grimaced at the sight; he had no idea how he didn’t notice before, but the right wing was clearly bent at an awkward angle and brown, crusty dried blood marred the gray feathers.

“Aren’t you magical or whatever? Can’t you heal yourself or something? You’re obviously not in terrible pain, so…”

The siren rolled his eyes.

_Yes. But a couple of bones are dislocated; I can’t reach it to push them back into place. It’ll fix itself eventually, but it’ll take a lot longer than usual._

“How long?” Jaebum asked suspiciously.

The siren shrugged.

_A couple more months probably._

“A couple months?! That’s too long!”

Although this small island was obviously deserted, it wasn’t too far away from the route many ships would take to reach nearby ports. Even if Jaebum warned those in his village to temporarily avoid this area, many would still probably fall victim to this siren’s song.

Theoretically, the siren wasn’t allowed to lure any sailors here because he was not within the designated area set aside for his brethren by the Treaty. However, Jaebum didn’t trust this siren one bit, and the government always acted more favorably towards the magic folk anyways – they were much stronger, first off, and so the government avoided antagonizing them at all costs. The fact that they’d agreed to sign a treaty to begin with was a huge victory for the humans.

Jaebum mulled over his options before ruffling his hair with both hands messily in frustration, letting out a growl.

“How long if the bones are snapped back into place?”

The siren flexed his wings again, expression thoughtful.

_Probably a week. Why?_

Jaebum grunted, mind working quickly but unable to come up with any other options.

“If I…help you, could you hold off singing for a week?”

The siren puffed out his cheeks as he considered Jaebum’s offer. Jaebum was still baffled at how such an angelic looking creature could be soul-sucking killer.

_I have another condition._

The siren was smirking mischievously now, and Jaebum fought the urge to gulp.

_You have to keep me company this entire week! It’s going to be so boring if I can’t sing, and you’re the first and only human I’ve ever met! You’ve said some interesting things, I want to learn more!_

The siren actually looked earnest in his curiosity, eyes literally sparkling.

“I…” Jaebum racked his brain for reasons to say no. He had enough provisions to last him three days for sure, but he also had his fishing gear so surviving a week shouldn’t be a problem…

“Fine. Fine fine fine.” Jaebum finally conceded and immediately regretted it, grimacing as the siren turned around to fully show off his damaged wing.

_My name is Youngjae, by the way._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

~~

Jaebum was insane. He had a feeling he’d been going down the path to looney ever since his family died in that storm, but this was the last straw. He was a goner for sure.

It was daybreak of the fifth day, so he’d already spent four whole days with the siren. No, with _Youngjae_.

And the ridiculous creature was starting to grow on him, much to Jaebum’s chagrin.

Jaebum had been extremely skeptical at first, but for someone having the record of a serial killer, Youngjae genuinely seemed to have good intentions. He’d fired question after question, clearly intent on analyzing Jaebum’s thoughts.

And so Jaebum told Youngjae about all the things that made caring for others worth it.

He spoke about his parents, about how hard they were always working to provide for him and his sister but never failed to show their smiles to their children. He recalled his stern father who had such high expectations for Jaebum that he felt utterly crushed sometimes, but he also recalled the man that nearly lost his own life trying to save careless little Jaebum who’d gone swimming when the tide was rising, who had hugged him so tightly and whispered to never try to leave him again.

He reminisced about his beautiful, beautiful mother. Everyone always called their neighbor, Ms. Jang, the beauty of the village, but in Jaebum’s eyes his mother was the one that shone. Her eyes, he swore, were the most lethal weapon to ever exist. They could either melt you down or freeze you right where you stood. Even every callous on her hands was perfect, badges of honor and recognition of her devotion.

He told stories about his adorable baby sister, how she’d been the sweetest thing ever even if she did have a slight rebellious streak. He told Youngjae about the time she saved up three months’ worth of her measly allowance in order to buy the pocket watch Jaebum had been eyeing since forever. And the time she’d gotten upset and climbed a tree and refused to come down for ten whole hours.

He told Youngjae about how every night, she would ask him to tuck her into bed, and he’d kiss her fluffy cheeks while her trusting amber eyes drifted shut.

Jaebum told Youngjae with conviction that even if every day without them hurt him physically, he would never give up on a single memory.

Somehow, Jaebum felt relieved after unloading his feelings, his memories. A weight had lifted.  Even if it was on a creature that probably didn’t even understand or care.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Youngjae had listened with rapture, but his focused expression also made it clear was still trying to comprehend.

However, Jaebum could only talk for so long. Once Jaebum had run out of stories to tell, Youngjae had gotten restless; if he wasn’t allowed to sing, what else was he supposed to do?

And so, grudgingly, Jaebum began teaching Youngjae some childhood games. And the siren was immediately hooked, from hand games to counting shells to hide-and-go-seek. He participated with a passion and glee that rivaled that of a child.

It was when Jaebum was sitting in a tree during hide-and-go-seek that it finally hit him. As he watched Youngjae practically _prance_ below, grinning widely as he yelled playful taunts at Jaebum, he realized his own grin, his own smile that he currently wore. He realized he hadn’t thought of his dead family for _hours_ , the longest period of time since their death.

Moreover, he felt _happy_. No matter how reluctant he’d been to begin with, somehow Youngjae had managed to infect him with his endless energy and giggles. He was feeling content, because of Youngjae. He was growing fond of Youngjae

And the realization scared him.

Once they tired of games, Youngjae offered to return the favor and tell Jaebum about the life of the sirens. It took all about five minutes.

Despite living all living in the same area due to the Treaty, sirens were solidary creatures. They formed no bonds and rarely made contact with each other. They only came together once a century to mate and procreate. Otherwise, their time was almost entirely occupied by singing.

“Why do you sing?” Jaebum had asked. “It can’t just be that you believe you’re all selflessly freeing the humans. Where did you get that idea in the first place?”

Youngjae had shrugged.

_The singing is instinctual. It’s just what we do. And the human souls provide the magic for our songs. When we’re born, the elders explain everything, including the part about the terrible lives you humans lead._

Jaebum had brought up the point that perhaps the “elders” had just made up the part of helping humans to justify their own selfish needs but Youngjae had dismissed the idea immediately.

Indeed, not a single day has passed without Youngjae attempting to convince Jaebum that life wasn’t worth the pain, and that Jaebum should just let him free him. While Jaebum had put up an extremely adamant front, he was much closer to being convinced than not. That had been his original intention anyways, had it not?

And while finally finding an outlet for his anguished feelings was liberating, it didn’t change the fact that Jaebum had no purpose for living. He had no goals, no wants or needs or aspirations. He had friends, yes, but somehow he couldn’t even bring himself to care anymore.

Jaebum sighed as he stared up at the disappearing stars, forcing his stiff limbs to cooperate as he stood up on the deck of his small boat. Despite Youngjae’s promises not to make his decision for him, he’d insisted on sleeping on his boat.

With the sun slowly rising, Jaebum started to navigate his small vessel towards shore once more. Maybe he would explore some of the island this morning before going to meet Youngjae; the lazy siren didn’t usually wake up till almost noon. He claimed it was because his body was working overtime to heal his wing, but Jaebum was skeptical.

~~

Okay, so maybe exploring the island wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Jaebum had been looking for a freshwater source since boiling seawater was a pain, when he’d stumbled across a small marsh. Being stupid, he’d hiked up his pants and waded right in, intending to see if there were pockets of clean water or, even better, a steady flow of it.

Instead, he found himself stuck waist-deep in a sink hole. And still sinking.

Jaebum tried his best to stay calm; it was common knowledge that more movement and struggling would only make you sink faster. But it was getting hard to not panic as Jaebum felt the mud seeping through his clothes, his body slowly sinking further and further.

Jaebum looked around frantically for something to help pull himself out, but there was nothing. The few vines he grabbed at snapped easily with a tug and Jaebum only sunk faster.

“HELP!” Jaebum finally screamed, but there was no hope behind it. Youngjae was the only other sentient being on this island, and most likely still asleep. And even if he heard his pleas, wouldn’t he just let nature “run its course” and let him die anyways?

“YOUNGJAE! HELP!” Jaebum tried once more, already giving up. He settled against the mud, resigned against his fate.

Maybe it wasn’t exactly the way he’d planned on dying, but it would yield the same result, so what did it matter, really?

His mouth soon became covered, leaving only his nose to breathe. Jaebum closed his eyes.

~~

Jaebum was choking, spluttering, heaving as his body expelled chunks of mud. Everything hurt and his lungs felt as if they were on fire.

When his eyes finally managed to focus, he was greeted by the sight of a blurry, muddy figure kneeling in front of him, wings fluttering behind.

“I am not in heaven.”

Jaebum wasn’t even aware he spoke his thoughts aloud, but it was clear he did when his eyes were finally able to focus on the laughing siren in front of him.

“No, and I am not an angel.” Youngjae laughed, eyes mirthful but clearly relieved.

Jaebum froze, hands flying up to feel at his ears.

His earplugs were gone.

Youngjae watched Jaebum curiously, before comprehension dawned on him.

“Your earplugs are probably still stuck in the mud. Sorry!” Youngjae giggled, clearly not apologetic in the least.

Jaebum could only stare in awe. The voice in his dead did absolutely no justice to the tinkling laugh he just heard out loud. It lacked the pull of his song, but it was even more mesmerizing, genuine in its beauty.

Jaebum cleared his throat.

“How did you…” he trailed off, wincing. His voice sounded like croaks in comparison.

Youngjae jumped up, bouncing excitedly.

“Looks like my wings are all better! See?”

Youngjae turned around, fulling extending his wings for Jaebum for the first time.

The gray feathers were spotted with mud but their beauty wasn’t reduced in the slightest. They fluttered excitedly, feathers rustling together.

Youngjae turned back around.

“I was able to carry you no problem! Although…I think they’re still a bit weak to make the flight. I think I’ll give them one more day, I should be good by tomorrow!”

Jaebum nodded numbly, still way too out of it to process everything. However, one coherent thought made it through.

“Why did you save me?”

Youngjae froze. He blinked a couple of times and his face changed through a couple of expressions. First confusion, then horror, followed by confusion again, and finally something unreadable.

“I…I just did I guess.” Youngjae murmured. His eyes flitted away for a few moments, before coming back to settle on Jaebum’s.

“You should rest. I’m going to go test out my wings.”

Without giving Jaebum a chance to respond, Youngjae rose up, wings flapping in two mighty beats as he took off.

As Jaebum watched Youngjae’s figure slowly become smaller and smaller, he reached a decision.

~~

“I guess this is it! Thanks for keeping me company! I’ll be off now!” Youngjae said cheerily.

After his test flight, Youngjae had come back his usual, cheerful self with no sign of his uncertainty. Jaebum was still recovering from his near-death experience so they played a couple of calm games before going to sleep.

And now it was time for Youngjae to leave.

Jaebum steeled himself for what he was about to do.

“Wait, Youngjae,” he paused and Youngjae looked at him expectantly. Jaebum swallowed.

“Take my soul. You’re right. I don’t have anything else to live for. Might as well end it now. You said it would be painless, right?”

Youngjae looked stunned. He stared at Jaebum disbelievingly, only to have Jaebum indicate he was serious.

“I, wh– I mean…are you…no…” Youngjae was suddenly stammering. He stopped himself, brows furrowed as he stared at Jaebum.

“That’s…that’s great!” he finally managed with a forced grin. “Did you want…now?”

Jaebum nodded firmly. “Yes.”

Youngjae’s eyes widened, clearly caught off guard but he nodded, licking his lips. “O-Okay. That was sudden…but okay. That’s great! Just, uh…”

Youngjae looked uncharacteristically nervous, and Jaebum put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Just sing,” he said gently. “I’m ready to go join my family.”

With that, he closed his eyes.

The first few notes were a bit shaky, but soon the melody picked up and Jaebum’s surroundings completely melted away. He didn’t fight it and was immediately immersed in the song, the notes surrounding him as it carried him up and down, comforting in a jolting sort of way as it–

Stopped.

Jaebum gasped as reality hit once again, swaying as his senses tried to help him regain his bearings.

The first thing he heard was choked breathing.

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asked, panicked as he immediately dropped to his knees next to a collapsed Youngjae. The siren had tears streaming down his cheeks as his eyes were fixed on a point in front of him, glazed, chest heaving has he wheezed with choked sobs.

“I don’t, I don’t,” Youngjae hiccupped, nearly hyperventilating.

“Shhhh it’s okay you don’t need to say anything right now. Just breathe.” Jaebum tried to soothe the siren, one hand gripping the other’s tightly while the other rubbed his back in circles.

“I couldn’t, I couldn’t sing, I could but it wouldn’t, I didn’t want, it hurts, it hurts…” the siren continued to babble, breathing not easing a single bit.

“Shhhh shhhhhh,” Jaebum abandoned all pretense and pulled the shuddering siren against his chest, arms going around his shoulders to hold him in an embrace.

The sobs slowly eased, hiccupping slowly stopping as Youngjae finally calmed. After what seemed like hours, he pulled away.

Even with the tear stain tracks down his cheeks and eyes rimmed with red, he was beautiful.

“I don’t want you to die.”

Youngjae’s voice was shaky but there was a firmness in his tone that told Jaebum he was serious.

“I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of all those stories you told me. I don’t know,” Youngjae let out a choked laugh. “But when you were sinking in the mud, I didn’t want you to die. And right now, I don’t want you to die.”

Jaebum felt something stir in his chest, a tenderness that he thought had died along with his little sister.

“You know, I wasn’t lying earlier when I said I had nothing else to live for. But it wasn’t the whole truth. This time with you…I’ve had fun,” Jaebum smiled gently, reaching out to wipe away a stray tear clinging to Youngjae’s eyelash. “But you need to go back to your home. I’m grateful for this time I’ve had with you. I’ve found closure. Before, when I was about to throw myself over, it was the anger, the frustration, the helplessness that drove me. But now, I’m really ready, Youngjae. So please.”

To Jaebum’s surprise, Youngjae shook his head adamantly.

“No. I don’t want you to die.”

“But it’s my choice.”

“No!” Youngjae insisted angrily. “If you were happy here, why can’t you be happy somewhere else? Didn’t you say life was full of beautiful things?”

Jaebum found himself temporarily speechless at Youngjae’s intensity.

“You said the ocean is full of memories for you. Memories that haunt you. If you went far, far away, can’t you start over?”

Youngjae stared at Jaebum imploringly.

Jaebum stared back searchingly.

“But what if…”

“What if what?” Youngjae pressed.

_What if the only thing I have left to live for is you, you paradox of a siren Youngjae? It’s not the place, you silly siren, it’s you that make me laugh. But it wouldn’t be fair for me to say that to you, would it, because that would be asking you to change what you were born as._

Jaebum let out a dry laugh.

“You really think I can start over? Move on? You…really don’t want me to die?”

Youngjae nodded earnestly.

Jaebum swallowed, hesitating.

“Please? For me?” Youngjae pleaded.

Jaebum’s resolution melted away.

“For you. I’ll live. For you.”

~~

Jaebum wasn’t quite sure if his heart had been healed or broken beyond repair as he watched Youngjae fly off.

He clutched a single feather in his hand.  
  



End file.
